So Hey! Its been a while...

Well, Alison is here! She's between 3 and 4 months old. She is rolling from her belly to her back, and already has quite the opinion on how life should be for her. Quite the feisty little thing! It seems like forever since she was born, and Im afraid that Ive forgotten maybe some of the minor details about her birth story, but here is her birth story!

January 16th-
After a long 5 days of absolute bedrest, Michael and I went up to Ft. Wayne to see Dr. Wheeler. We did the normal routine, look at the baby, pee in a cup, ect. My blood pressure was really high (whats new?). Except this time instead of telling me to schedule an appointment in a few days, he asked us to meet him in his office. There, he told us that at the point my body was at, it was very risky to remain pregnant. He said my blood pressure was high enough that we were at risk of placental abruption, it was causing me bloody noses, seeing spots, spilling protein (meaning my kidneys werent working well) and my blood screen was showing that other organs were starting to be affected by the pregnancy too. He told us that he wanted us to go home and get our things together, find someone to watch Breydon, and then come back that afternoon to deliver. I was sobbing, not wanting another preemie, not wanting her to struggle, not wanting to leave Breydon for 2 weeks while I stayed in Ft. Wayne. Feeling like a failure for not being able to protect my baby like I should have been able to do... but also knowing that in order for her to have a mommy around to raise her, the delivery needed to happen. We went home, got our stuff together. Everyone (my parents, sister, Charlie, Breydon and Michael and me) drove up to Ft. Wayne, and ate a dinner at Texas Roadhouse (That ALWAYS cheers me up!). And then I checked into Dupont and got settled. I dont remember the exact time that things happened, but they gave me medicine to help thin me out and dialate me more. It was supposed to be given 3 times, 4 hours apart. They gave me the first one, but I ended up not needing the other 2, because that was enough to send me into active labor (I was already contracting regularly when we got there). I didnt even need pitocin this time, like I did with Breydon. My mom and sister kept me entertained, and kept my mind off of things.

January 17th-
Around 5:30am, they checked me and I was at a 6. I had been trying to hold off for an epidural for as long as I could possibly wait. I told the nurse that I wanted an epidural, and she checked me again, and I was at a 10. In a matter of about 45 min, I had dilated the rest of the way. Then it was time to push... I was in SOOO much pain, but as soon as I could push it felt better. After about 5 minutes of pushing she was here! She weighed 5 pounds, 6 ounces and was 18 3/4 inches long. She was breathing really well, so they let me hold her for a little while and then they took her away and up to the NICU. She was in the NICU 3 for about 3 days, and then they moved ehr down to NICU where she stayed until she was able to come home, at 9 days old. She needed far less assistance than Breydon did, and was a very very good little thing.

And thats pretty much it!
I think we are done with babies... too scary. And I want to be here for Breydon and Alison. My body just cannot handle being pregnant again. I love being pregnant, and I love babies, but I am soooo lucky to have the two sweetest little things, that are HEALTHY despite their beginnings. I couldnt ask for anything more.

Longest Post Ever.

On Wednesday the 11th, Breydon had a cardiology appointment, so Danielle and I headed up there to go to that. For once, we actually got called back early, and didnt have to wait forever to see the doctor (usually they are EXTREMELY behind. One time my dad and I waited back in the room for the doctor for over and HOUR. Thsi was after being called back for our appointment 30 min late...). But anyways, the appointment went well, and the doctor said that we could wait SIX months this time before seeing him again. Which is great! One the way home, I needed to stop at the store, so before taking Danielle home, I ran into the store and got my stuff, and then decided to check my blood pressure. It was 167/106. I grabbed the pharmicist and asked her firstly, if the machine was accurate, and then secondly, if I was doing it correctly. She watched me take it again- 158/101. The machine is accurate, and I was doing it correctly. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I called Dr. Wheeler. It was arounf 4:00 by this point, and since he is in Ft. Wayne, going there wasnt going to happen. I talked with them on the phone and they had me on bed rest that night and had me come to the office first thing in the morning.

When I got there they did the normal weighing stuff... and in 7 days, I had gained 9 pounds. I know for a FACT that its not my diet, because I havent been able to eat a lot recently. I eat just a little bit and feel full. My stomach space is being taken over by a tiny girl. :) Its mostly all water weight. Then they had me go to the room where I see the doctor, and they took my BP. 189/108. So.....  obviously not good. Dr. Wheeler is always so calm and kinda of relaxed about everything, so to see him frusterated and tense is hard for me to see. He checked on Ali via and ultrasound. He told me that she looked good, blood flow was great. For only being 32 weeks, shes big- measuring 34+5 weeks. Which will be good if thats true and shes born early... it will help her regulate her temperature better. But you never REALLY know until they are born. But she looked good. Dr. Wheeler admitted me to Dupont for monitoring... which was interesting because I wasnt expecting to be admitted, and so Breydon was with us. More on that in a minute. So we got me all situated, took some blood work, got me all hooked up. I wasnt contracting which is good. My blood pressure went down at first, for like and hour and a half, then it went back up. Who knows why, I hadnt moved the whole time I was there. Doctor didnt love that. Ali was good and moving well... he had me drink a sprite to wake her up a big and it did. So eventually I was able to go home, on STRICT bed rest... Id had only been on modified with Breydon. So this means I literally cannot get up unless I have to use the bathroom. Fun. It also means I cant play with my son, and that I cant take care of him. So he needs a babysitter even though Im sittign RIGHT here. Which sucks. I am on some medicine for my BP called Colnidine or something like that. But he only gave me 10 days worth... which shows how far he things things can go before shes born. He told me that he wants another 2 weeks, but that its probably just not going to happen.

Before I was admitted, I WAS given a shot of steroids for her lungs which I was very glad about. But because of the weather we were expecting Thurs night/ Friday, he sent us home with the second dose for someone to give me at home. A HUGE thank you to my mommy, who has NO nursing experiance whatsoever, for coming over yesterday and giving that to me. I know it made her a nervous wreck... but she did great. It hurt because its a HUGE needle, and a LOT of fluid going into my body, but it wasnt any worse than when the nurse did it. I cant thank her enough!

And then to precious Breydon, completely unaware of whats going on. Mommy laying in a hospital bed... him bopping around my room being interested in everything but being sooooo cooperative and good. I could not ask for a more well behaved kid. Seriously. He is sooooo good. Mom took him out of the room and let him run around in the lobby which helped Im sure. But he was up almost 2 hours past his normal nap time and was still being perfect. I am sooo greatful that he has his daddy's ability to adapt well to changes.

So here I am on bedrest day #3. Today is the day that Ive had enough and just might lose my mind. I have already done just about everything there is to do from the couch, and Im bored. So mostly I just sit here and think which is dangerous, because then I get sad. I dont want to see Ali struggling like Breydon did. I dont want to have to wait until shes a week old to hold my precious girl. I dont want to see her hooked up to machines and full of tubes and wires. I dont want to leave Breydon for 2 weeks, because I know he wont understand where I went and why I left him. Hes used to me being there EVERY day, all day. Hes not going to understand. And then I feel guilty because its because of me, that Alison has to be born 6 weeks before shes ready. Shes healthy! Its me thats not. So If I could just have stayed healthy for 4 more weeks, things would have been fine. But Im trying not to think about the fact that by next weekend I wont be pregnant any longer.

This is such a non-cohesive post and Im sorry... you can kinda tell how many things are jumbling my mind right now. But I wanted to say. When I was pregnant with Breydon, since we didnt know when he was concieved, we had an early ultrasound to measure him. This happened at 10 weeks. Measuring babies at that age are VERY accurate, and so we got the due date of October 6th. That was the due date we went by the ENITRE pregnancy, untill we switched solely to Wheeler the last 2.5 weeks. He for some reason moved the due date to September 29, and I dont know why. So when we delivered Breydon, according to Dr. Wheelers due date, he was 34+1 days. According to ME, and the date that we went by the entire time, he was 33+1. THIS TIME AROUND... Alison will be 33+1 days on Monday when I go see Wheeler. So any time past Monday, in MY mind, is further along than we made it with Breydon. Im guessign Wheeler is going to have us come back at the end of next week to have a baby. If not, itll be early the week after. Either way, weve got around a week till shes here. I hope and pray she makes it here safely... and I hope shes big like her brother. And I hope she does will in the NICU.

An Ali/Medical Post... Christmas Post Later!!

The week before Christmas, I had to go to Labor and Delivery at KCH, because I was having contractions evrey 3-4 minutes. At 29 weeks... thats obviously not something that is welcomed. So.... I was there for 6 hours hooked up to a monitor. They checked me to see if I was dialating, and I was at 1 cm. The nurse told me that I wasnt in labor at that point, I was just having what was called irritable contractions. They gave me a shot of Morphine in my hip to stop them, and after that my contractions turned into true labor contractions. Longer and stronger. After another few hours of laying there, they went back to irritable contractions, and I was able to go home, still having irritable contractions. I saw doctor Wheeler the next day to check in. I had not progressed any more, and I was advised to stay close to my doctors over the holidays. So we ended up staying in Warsaw for Christmas. It was quite the change in plans, and shook up alot of plans, but it was actually nice to have a calm, chaos-free holiday. No running around, no rush, just nice and calm. :)

As of my last appointment, a Valentines Day baby is seeming like a long-shot. Right now we are aiming to just get through the month of January. My blood pressure hasnt been good for a while now. My next appt is on the 18th. He is going to decide then, if we need the steroid shots for her lungs or not. I am going to ask for them regardless. Im guessing that she'll be born more toward the beginning of February. If we can just make it to the 5th, Ill be one happy camper. Dupont's policy, is that if any baby is born before 36 weeks, a NICU team has to be presnt at birth, and they baby has to go to the NICU automatically for observation. But after the 5th, theres a really good chance she can just stay with me.

Aaaaaaaaand yesterday during her ultrasound, the first thing he said when he looked at her, was "it looks like she already has a full head of hair!". I remember talking about Breydon's hair before he was born... unfortunately none of the pretty hair he had at birth stuck around for long... but maybe Ali's will. :)

Thats all for now. Ill do a Christmas post soon, and then Ill update again after our next appointment. :)

Its been a whirlwind of a month here at the Shaub house!

Breydon went trick-or treating as a cheeseburger. He didnt really get the point of what he was doing (obviously), but he enjoyed riding around the neighborhood in his beloved wagon. He liked the candy that crinkled, but I dont think he as a clue what it was.

I was extremely amused with myself for having him be a cheeseburger. Maybe next year he can choose his own costume! Luckily Ali still wont have a choice. Maybe she'll be a hotdog...

Breydon is getting big so fast. It makes me sad!! But the other day he actually fell asleep on my chest like he did when he was tiny. I miss that so much. I know that in a few months Ill have another snuggly baby around, it just makes me sad that we are past that (for the most part) with him. Hes so active and independant. I love that about him.

And today Michael and I got a little bit closer to being ready for Alison to come home. We moved the big dresser into our room where she will be staying for a while. And we (Michael) put up her crib! I folded and re-folded all her clothes... took inventory of what she's already got... what she needs, ect. I am planning to have quite the fun time on black Friday. ;)

In one week Ali will be "viable". That helps calm my nerves a little bit. I want her in there as long as possible though. And so far we are on track for that to happen!! Unless she's huge... in that case she may need to be a little early. At my last appointment she was measuring over 2 weeks big. So Dr. Wheeler is having me do the glucose tolerance test to see if I have gestational diabetes. I can guarantee you that I dont- I borrowed my gramma's One Touch glucose reader for a few days. I returned it sooner than I intended because I was starting to obsess about it. But anyways, I tested after meals, and before meals, and and and and........... it was always fine. Never close to being concerning. I think maybe I just have big babies...? I mean, look at their daddy! He was over TEN pounds at birth, and not overdue at all! So, that test is on the 16th.

We are getting there!! Slowly but surely!

Heres some recent pictures that I love.

I just thought this was sweet.... my little boy. <3

He was just sooo pitiful this day! He was cutting a top toof and wasnt very happy about it.

Ive been wanting to get Breydon one of these for a while now. Its a iPod/iPhone case. It covers the phone completely, and covers the home button he he can play with my phone and chew on it, and whatever, without hurting it. (Like he did my FIRST iPhone!) Since I got my iPhone, I havent needed my iPod touch. I cleared all of my things off of it, and put a bunch of Breydon's apps on it. I loaded it up with all his kids music, and his episodes of Mickey Mouse, and its now usable! He loves it!! Its so handy when we are in the car and hes mad, or when hes bored and we are out to eat with friends. I think we may love it more than he does!

This is a sucky picture and I know it. Its a screen shot on my iPhone, of a home-made video that my sister took of an ultrasound. Pshew!!! Its Ali's little face looking out at us. You can see one little eye, but the other one is covered up by some shadow. This was at 21 weeks.

This is sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightly outdated... because this was taken at 21 weeks and some odd days. And we are 23 now. But its pretty close to how things are now. Maybe a tiny bit different in shape. Ill update the belly pics during the next post. Probably after I find out the results of that glucose test.

8 Ounce Girl

Alison is perfect. My OBGYN says so. :) Perfect little brain, heart, face and limbs. :) All 8 ounces of her.
Here are some pictures of her from Wednesday's ultrasound:

Profile

Arrow pointing to the "girl parts".

3-D of her with her arm up by her face.

This is my favorite of the bunch- except she looks sad :(

Pretty girl. And excuse my finger. ;)

And then Breydon gave us a good scare on Sunday. In a nutshell- he was in SVT for what we think was just a few minutes. We called his doctor, and took him in to the office on Tuesday. They did an Echo of his heart- and the hole that was there is half the size it was last December. So thats good. All he needs to fix his high heartrate is to increase his medicine. He was taking 3mL x2 a day, then they increased it to 3.3mL x2 a day. But, since Tuesday we have noticed this his heartrate hasnt been in the target range. Its still been too high. Not SVT, but not what it should be. Im going to give the medicine until Monday, and then Ill call and tell the doctor that its not working. But hes fine! We carved pumpkins today and he was more interested in rocks than anything else. Typical. :)

It's a GIRL, and 1 year photos of Breydon!

Ali's sweet profile

Beautiful little face

The arrow is pointing to those three lines/dots... which means a GIRL!

He is BEAUTIFUL.

Little tongue

Just chillin' by a rock wall...

He REALLY wanted out of the box. LOL!

=)

Its been a VERY VERY good day. Now to grill steaks in celebration!

BOY OR GIRL

That is the question! AND I KNOW THE ANSWER! :) So does Michael! :)

I went for my 15/16 week appointment with Dr. Wheeler and he did an ultrasound like always. He walks in and says, "Alright Meag, lets get a look at your baby. Are you a gender guesser, do you want to know??" I said yes, of course. :) He gets the machine going... looks at the baby's head... and the baby's belly and limbs. Then he starts looking around the bottom. He wasnt saying anything, and the baby was moving like crazy. I was watching, trying to make my own guess. Then he turned off the machine and said, "Well Meag, I would say there's a 3 out of 4 chance that youll be having a __________". And thats what I thought I saw too! BUT... its unfortunately a secret still since we werent more sure. We werent on the greatest machine. The picture was grainy, and the more Dr. Wheeler zoomed in the harder things were to see. But. I have to remember that I definately saw what I saw. Next weekend, Saturday the 24th is our gender scan at the private company in St. John. They'll give me a CD with pictures, and a movie of the ultrasound. :) Ill post pics when I have them. Ill also let everyone else know the gender at that point too. :) And on October 5th we have the big ultrasound with the doctor for the anatomy scan. Any guesses??? :)

Also- let the weight gain begin... Im currently +3 at 16 weeks. :/

1 year pictures!

Its taken a little longer than usual, but we finally have a "preview" of Breydon's 1 year photo session. I am excited to see more, but have no idea when that will be. Ill share with you once I get them!!

1 week till our 16 week OB appt (and next ultrasound) and 13 days until we find out the gender at our private scan on the 24th! ((unless Dr. Wheeler can tell me at our 16 week appt! lol)) But who's counting!? ;)

Breydon's 1 Year Check-Up

Its was an odd day from the beginning.

Every morning, around 6:30, Breydon is up for the day. Michael has to be up at 7 anyway, so he usually gets up with him and gives hims breakfast and gets him entertained with whatever is on Playhouse Disney. I get a little more time to sleep. So usually around 7:30 when Mike leaves, I get up and take over with Brey. Well this morning as SOON as I got up, Breydon was ready for a nap. Only an hour after waking up for the day. So I layed him down, and he slept for 2 and a half hours. On a normal day, he will take a nap at nine, and get up around ten. So it was weird from the start. My sister came to watch him today while I was in class, and he took another short nap for her! Must have not slept well alst night or something.

We went to his appointment, and all was well. He was 23.12 pounds, and 30 inches long. They didnt give me exact numbers, but his height was in the 50th percentile, and his weight was in the 60th. I dont remember his head measurment, but it was in the 80th percentile. ;) The doctor came in, and asked me a bunch of questions, like... can he walk, does he point, is he on whole milk, is he eating table food ect. I laughed when he asked me if Breydon could stack blocks. Im sure he could stack blocks if he wanted to, but to Breydon, blocks of all types are hammers. I couldnt picture him sitting nicely with blocks and stacking them. Just made me chuckle. :D

So he got his 3 shots... (did you know that they have a vaccine for chicken pox now?? I didnt- until today!) and then they gave me an order to have bloodwork done in the next 2-3 weeks. I figured that it would be better to give him ONE bad day, instead of a few of them (He's got a flu shot next month sometime too). So we went and did that today. Poor kid didnt have a very good time at the doctors offices today. :(

You can see the 3 band-aides on his legs, and the one on his arm where they drew the vile of blood. He was a trooper today!

After a while of playing with toys, and a good hour nap, we had dinner. Spaghetti and chocolate cake make everything MUCH better. :)

Birthday Stuff, and Second baby stuff



I don't think Im going to be all emotional when I write this time. Breydon's first birthday has come and gone sucessfully. He had a fun time at the zoo on his actual birthday... and then a good party the day after with lots of friends, family, presents, cake and good food! ;) I always pictured him suddenly seeming older when he turned one. But, he still feels and acts like my little baby boy. Here are some pictures of the big party. The rest are on my facebook in his birthday album.

We still have one little party left to go, but SO FAR, this has been the most liked birthday present. :) The night that Mike's parents gave it to him, he was SO excited and threw a fit when it was time to come out. We let him stay, and he eventually fell asleep in it. What a great end to a first birthday. :)



Just playin' at his party. Naked of course.

Breydon with his stack of gifts!

Brave parents, getting right in the middle of the action for a kiss

Our little smurf

And then today, I had an appointment with Dr. Wheeler, and got poked and all that good stuff. But we saw Breydon's NICU window from afar. That was sad. But also happy, because he was right there with me, happy and smiling. And perfectly healthy.  This baby is looking good too! Heart rate of 174 today.

Breydon's 1 year appointment was SUPPOSED to be tomorrow (Monday the 15th) but... they called Friday and asked us to reschedule it, because they couldnt give him his shots 4 days before his birthday. It had to be before or after. Sounds silly to me. So we moved it. I dont remember the date, but luckily its on the calendar. :)

I cannot wait for September 24th. It couldnt come fast enough! (Thats when we find out the gender of this baby!) Im the most impatient person in the world, so we are doing an ultrasound at a private place in St. John, Indiana. Then we will still get our regular anatomy ultrasound with Dr. Wheeler about a month later.

I think we may have figured out the names. Maaaaaaaybe. Obviously nothing is set in stone till the baby is here. But we have had Nolan picked for a little boy for a few weeks now. We both like and and agree on it. So hopefully it stays around for a while. Then we have Alison picked for a girl. Ali. I like it, Mike likes it, it fits with the other names in our family. So hopefully it sticks around too.

Mikes been telling me that this baby is a girl since day one. Not sure if thats wishful thinking on his part, or if he's got all the "mommy's intuition" in this family. He was right about Breydon, and I wasnt, so who knows! I kinda want a brother for Breydon, but don't REALLY care. I think its another boy. We shall see!

On Monday, Breydon had an appointment with Dr. Ghazali- his cardiologist. Originally they were going to take him off of his heart medicine this month, but since his medicine got increased last time we were there, he is still taking it. His next appointment is in November, and they are planning on discontinuing his medicine then. His heart rate has been anywhere between 96 and 130 BPM. The 130 seemed high to me, but he wasnt worried about it. Breydon also gets another Echo in November to check on the hole in his heart. Hopefully its closed, because I dont want to think about heart surgery. And Im hoping that if its NOT closed in November, that Dr. Ghazali will give it more time to close before they discuss alternatives.

But, it was pretty uneventful. The EKG was interesting, as always, since Breydon has to be laying perfectly still, and Breydon doesnt WANT to lay perfectly still. ;) He weighs 23.12 pounds, and is 29.5 inches long. Kinda short still.

He has his 1 year doctors appointment on the 15th, so Ill have his 'official' 1 year stats then. :)

The BEST invention

 

You might have to turn your volume way up. But that whooshing you hear is baby #2's heart beating.

Yeah... thats definately not MY heartbeat! ;)

Babies

This is my baby. It was behaving really well... growing like it should and stuff. It may not look like it, but it is quite bigger than it was a week and a half ago. Im proud. ;)



I went for a different reason (my regular appt isnt until Aug 22) but when I was there she tried to find the baby on the abdominal doppler and couldnt because the baby is still a little too small. So she decided to have me do a quick abdominal ultrasound, (thats why the quality isnt as good as the last ones) and so we got a few more little pictures of baby #2. Heart rate at 8.6 weeks was 189. Perfect.



Of course, I can't forget this baby who ALREADY has my heart...

He likes to drink big drinks

Whining about something. Prlly cuz I was taking a picture with the iPhone, instead of letting him hold it.

He LOVES rice.

Here's both my boys, taking a nap together. :)

We now have a walking little boy in the house!
He's still in that stage where he's very uncoordinated, and falls over every few steps... but he's definately walking! Im so proud of my little preemie. :) I do have to admit though, that when he took his first steps, I cried and wanted to make him sit back down. :)

His birthday is next month! Coming up so quickly! He was ALMOST born today... I think I started this blog a year a go exactly. Maybe. This was the day a year ago that eh stopped moving, failed to NST's, and then was almost delivered. But like I said on facebook-- Thank goodness its not his birthday!!!!!

So far so good with this pregnancy. Everything is going just as it should. I was sick for 2 weeks, but so far this week, I havent been sick at all. Not sure what thats all about, but Im not complaining. Ive just been EXTRA tried.

Its been fun to go back to the, online shopping for my baby, obsession. :) Except its a little less overwhelming since we know what we need this time. We scheduled a gender scan for September 24th. We will be almost 17 weeks. I am excited because Michael's mommy and my mommy and Breydon of corse, are going to go with us. :)It should be an exciting day... IF they can tell us what we are having! lol. The we will have our regular 20 week gender scan at the doctors office.

Next appt on August 22nd. I think thats just for blood work. Bleck. But maybe we will get to see the baby again too. Who knows. Dr Wheeler did say he would scan us every appointment... but this time Im seeing the midwife since its bloodwork. Like I said-- who knows.

Starting Over

Due March 6th 2012

Heartbeat of 152

7.2 weeks gestation

:)

:)

((Im okay with people knowing, but let's not plaster the good news all over facebook quite yet...))

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, that Im not sure I want to go to. Im nervous about it. Please pray that my BP is normal still. :) And for my nerves.

The SCARIEST thing of my life.

We have been using the "Cry it Out" method (a modified version) during nap time with Breydon. It's worked for the most part- he can put himself to sleep now, and thats especially helpful in the middle of the night. So this afternoon, I was laying Breydon down for a nap. He obviously didn't want to do, so I kept going in every few minutes and laying him back down, and then leaving the room. I got back to the living room, and was sitting on the couch when I hear a thud. He tends to throw his sippy and paci out of the crib when he's mad. So I didnt think much of it. The next thing I know, the crying gets closer and closer... so in a panic I run in his direction. There he is, speed crawling down the hall way toward me, crying his face off. All his limbs were in tact, he wasnt gushing blood. I was terrified and scared to death, so I was crying, but as soon as I picked him up he was fine. He wanted to play. I guess Breydon wins, this round- No more naps for him today!

Breydon likes to take showers with mommy (because he can splash and crawl on the bottom of the tub without worrying about going under the water. Plus, its just faster than doing two separate baths. ANYWAY) It made me kinda sad, because I was remembering his first little bath in the NICU where they didnt even rinse his shampoo out of his hair, because the water on his head would make him too cold.  (And at this point he was working really hard to regulate his body temperature, so we didnt want to make it harder) So they rubbed the shampoo in and left it. I remember thinking it was weird. Brey loves when I wash his hair. He always gets the biggest smile. Actually, the whole time he's in the shower he looks at me, wide-eyed and open mouthed, because he discovered the water on the wall, or the little pool of water by the drain. It looks like he's thinking, "Do you see this, Momma?!" I love him.

Im not sure what it is. Maybe its beacause he turns one next month. Maybe its because this time last year we almost had to deliver my baby 10 weeks early. Or maybe a combination. But I keep finding myself thinking lots about Breydon at the beginning. How far he's come from all the tubes.

In February, right after we found out that he was on the way, I wrote in my prayer/praide book from the Howett's. I wrote that I was scared, but that I knew God wouldnt have given this tiny baby to me, if he didnt think I could do it. And I wrote that I hoped I could meet Breydon some day, but even if I never got the chance, I was thankful for him. God showed me that I could deal with much more than just a baby. I could even handle a sick baby, and a baby with a heart condition. And all in all, I think I do a pretty good job. He's growing, he's happy, he's smart, and more than anything, hes LOVED. Its sad to watch him grow up, but I can't wait to see what God is going to do with him.



Im feeling EXTRA emotional today, so...

I loved you the minute I heard you were coming. I loved you the minute you were born. Then I saw your face and fell in love some more. You were only a minute old, but I knew I would die for you and to this day I still would. When you choose to have a child you make a conscious decision to allow your heart to walk around outside of your body.

I dont put these things as my statuses. I like to steer-clear of all things "cheeseball", but like I said. Im feeling kinda emotional. My baby does turn one next month, after all. :)